I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
