Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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