Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
