I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You need Xanax blowdarts
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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