No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
