I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just cropdusted the office
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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