I want to have your abortion
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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