As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
