:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
