My liver just broke up with me...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
