yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
