had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize