nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
