I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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