You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
