I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize