i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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