we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
