12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize