your room smells of hookers.
And success
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize