I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
