my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
