Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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