i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
