why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
