apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
