There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
