why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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