im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
