Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think people are normalizing furries
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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