I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
