Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
