the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize