how can u be prego again
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize