we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
