so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
