I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
