Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
