do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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