There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
