There is no way he is gay with that hair.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
