last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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