Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
