I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
