Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
