do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
