Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
