i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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