you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
