i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
