Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
