i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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