Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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