i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
