Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
