Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
