Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
