I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
