If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
now i know why i became what i already was.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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