A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
