she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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