Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
