dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize