Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
