she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
