She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
