Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize