yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
