Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize