I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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