Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
