And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
