Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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