called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
