this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
