You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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