I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
