Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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