Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
