kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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