Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize