so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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