I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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