Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
