Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
