I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
