He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
