Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
